Hilarious Car ads Finds!

[idreamofdrifting]

not a car ad, but hilarious just the same.

[FUNKMACH1NE]

^^^oh man, that FREE LCD TV one had me laughing

[my86mystory]

Found this on my girls instagram

[chocobot]

so while browsing for salvaged R2's stumbled upon this rather hilarious CL ad for "The Ultimate (Non) Driving Machine"

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/ct ... 22355.html

theres the link for the ad but incase the ad goes down heres the text entry for it (quite long but hilarious)

"I've had a baby, and moms aren't supposed to drive fun cars (apparently babies are supposed to ride in the back seat (whatevs), a difficulty in this two-seater sports car, and people kept giving me funny looks when I pulled up in front of Chateau Marmont with a stroller strapped to the spoiler), so I am selling my white 1986 Toyota MR2. Drive off (provided you have some mechanical skill - otherwise tow off) in a fun and sporty classic sports car while feeling pity for poor me - stuck driving an incredibly boring mid-90's corolla with a wonky door. I am only the second owner (the first was my neighbor who only sold it so he could buy a brand new Mazda Miata, the lucky bastard). I used it only locally, and in the last year and a half barely at all. I was going to keep it until I got rich and famous and then restore it myself, but fame and fortune are further off than I'd hoped, and I live in the slums of Beverly Hills, home of endless 1970s apartment buildings full of lead paint and and shattered dreams, with inadequate parking structures and alternate side parking rules. It's too much of a pain to park five blocks away with a baby. I need my parking space back.

The Good:
When I bought it, it was just an old hooptie ghetto car, but now it's a classic! Made in the 80s, back when things were made out of real materials, like steel, instead of these newfangled fiberglass matchbox cars that can't even bump into a garage or telephone pole without crumpling, the body is in pretty good shape. There are a few dents on the bottom of the driver's side door, and a few mild scrapes you can't even see in the pictures, but it's mostly pretty clean, almost entirely rust-free (there's a spot on the right front fender), and all original. The style is sleek, yet boxy, in that classic 80's way. Driving this car feels like driving a shark, possibly a whitetip. It'll overtake and devour anything it can catch.

The car has 197,678 miles, a rebuilt engine as of about five years ago, is a 5-speed manual stick shift, and gets up to 40mpg. I have the title (if you buy me a milkshake, I'll tell you the really long story about all the hoops I had to jump through to get it, and all the run-ins with the cops I had until I got it). I did a bunch of random fix-it stuff to the car over the years - new pipes and hoses and whatnot. It didn't need anything huge. Heater and A.C. both work, though it needs freon. The radio works but not the tape deck. Manual windows so you don't have to turn the car on to get some air while wooing your lover. The interior is in decent shape. The steering wheel looks brand new (it had the leather grip when I bought it, in very poor shape, but it turns out if you spring for that, all the manufacturer does is sew it on over the original steering wheel. I cut it off and voila! Virgin steering wheel). The seats are leather, though they've split at the seams, hence the stunning zebra patterned seat covers! In case you, too, have a newborn, the pattern is great for helping their eyes learn to focus. The car is a lot of fun to drive (it has been favorably compared to piloting Red Five), the pick up is great, and guys watch you with envy wherever you go. Since most cops are guys, I would recommend hardened criminals give this car a miss. But if you're willing to take the risk, hey! Who am I to argue? Your cash is as good as anybody else's. Hell, your cash probably is somebody else's.

The Bad:
It worked just fine until January. Then it died while I was driving it to the house of the guy who was going to buy it but started up again right afterward so I could drive it home (despite the defect he was still going to buy it except that he hadn't realized it was a stick shift, and he'd had his right foot amputated). I don't know why it happened, but it's probably going to need something. Mobile mechanic speculation is that it needs a new starter.

Sharkbaby has a brand new battery with a one year warranty! All you have to do is install it. That being said, even with the battery, the damn thing won't presently start. You will either need to have mechanical skill to tinker with it, or you will need to tow it or load it to take it away. Do not get snippy with me because you think $1400 entitles you to drive off in your dream ride. If you want to do that, you can drop $5000 for the one in Bakersfield. This dream, like all dreams worth having, is the kind you have to work for.

There are no cupholders. I don't know if this is an 80's thing or a sports car thing, but there ya go. However, if I can eat sushi with chopsticks while driving this car, you can hold a cup. Or, you know, wait for a red light or something.

It's going to need to be smogged. It passed smog in 2011, but is due to be smogged again. I registered it as planned non-op, and smogging/transport is up to you. I can only deal with so many responsibilities in life and maintaining the life, health, happiness, and tyrannical whims of my infant trumps smogging a car I know I'm not going to have the pleasure of keeping. However, if transport is a deal breaker, I can arrange to have it towed to any location within 15 miles.

The Quirky:
Have you been taking yoga classes in the hopes of harnessing your rage? Give it up! Anyone can be zen in a quiet room full of attractive people in sheer pants doing Downward Dog. It takes a true student of self-suppression to sit in traffic while some yahoo cuts them off and not honk their horn. Since the horn on this car only works intermittently you will quickly learn to accept the world as it is, and to embrace your place in your lane. Where better to work on your karma than in your car? Remember: the only thing you can change is yourself. If this doesn't work for you, you can also change the horn component, since the one under the hood is cracked.

The odometer stopped working after I bought it, so it will never have any more miles on it than it does now, even if you drive it to the moon!

Like to make an entrance? Try downshifting in a parking garage. I've successfully managed to set off thirty car alarms at once.

The car has those headlights that pop up so the car looks like it's blinking. I'd always intended to get a set of car lashes to complete the look, but now all my cash goes toward keeping my baby in fabulous, yet short-lived footwear. But if you buy Sharkbaby, the opportunity to have a car that winks can be yours!

The brake light is on. My dad, a car guy (whose tastes, unfortunately, run to things like Healeys, Aston-Martins, and the 1965 Ferrari roadster, which led him to sniff at my perfectly respectable and AFFORDABLE sports car and thus destroy my new-found auto-confidence), says it doesn't mean anything. My mechanic also said it didn't mean anything, but who trusts their mechanic?

It's a rear engine sports car, so the trunk is on the small side. It can manage about 6 paper bags of groceries. If you eat more than that on a regular basis, you'll have to make other arrangements, though I've found I can transport a lot on the back of the car if I drive carefully. The spoiler will stop anything larger than a cookie sheet from falling off (ask me how I know). If you want to transport a large pizza, I recommend putting it in the front trunk. It fits perfectly on top of the spare tire.

I've also used it as a mini pickup truck. The combination of the spoiler and some bungie cords meant I could transport just about anything on the back of the car, even if it wouldn't fit inside (see pic of albino Tardis for possibilities). Because of this there are a few rub marks on the top of the back. I feel this gives Sharkbaby street cred.

This would be a great project car, or with some small repairs a great just plain working car, or if you really want, it could provide parts for another project. If you can't afford a Delorean, this car, with a few modifications and a new flux capacitor, would be an acceptable substitute. The state of California has offered to pay me $1500 to destroy this car, but I got a ton of compliments and sales requests when I was driving it, so I'd hate to take away the pleasure of owning this classic car from someone else. Because once it's gone, this car, like time itself, is never coming back again.

All of this for $1400 or best offer. It's a steal, when you think about it. But seriously, make me an offer. Anything over $999 is a guaranteed "Yes."

Would accept a trade for a working 1957 Ford F100 or similar, because why not reach for my dreams, yo? Or for general dentistry, because practicality is mad sexy. Otherwise, CASH ONLY. I need it for diapers. Please don't email me from your Navy ship in the Bering Strait asking me to take paypal and offering to pay me extra for my trouble. I will not be troubling.

Now with special bonus!
Buy my car and receive, absolutely free, a sample vial of Paris Hilton's 'Siren' Parfum!

'"When I wear Siren, I feel irresistible. I love the idea of being playful as a mermaid in a sexy way. What girl doesn't want to have fun being a fantasy creature that men can't resist?" says Paris Hilton of her mystical new fragrance.'

I totally didn't make any of that up.


Scammers please be informed: I'm armed with an acid tongue, all the rage and bitterness engendered by 30 years of cultural ennui, excellent aim, and poopy diapers at all times.
Mess with me and and I will mess you up."

HOLE-EEE-COWL
Ever notice how women never stfu?

..if you buy me a milkshake, I'll tell you the really long story about all the hoops I had to jump through..

RED FLAGS! SINGLE MOTHER! GET AWAY! ..unless it's your goal to become her next babY daddy

[grappletech]

Lol, these are some funny posts.